A Meals on Wheels Experience

by Dr. Marvin Wasser

What do you do with your life after you have retired from the daily toil of a demanding career? The first few weeks may seem like a well-deserved vacation, even more extensive than the usual week to ten days that you occasionally enjoyed during your working years. But then, one gets restless, and misses the rigor of keeping to a schedule, the obligations of being somewhere or doing something determined by the clock.

Having been used to waking up early, rushing out to hospital rounds and then to a full day of seeing pediatric patients at my office, this new way of life felt like being in a car in traffic, rushing here and there, that comes to a screeching halt on a dusty deserted out of the way back-road, with no one around. Besides the lack of tasks to occupy the mind, there was no contact with people, which was the mainstay of my career.

About four months after I retired, I decided to offer my time and interest to the Meals on Wheels program sponsored by the Jewish Collaborative Services of Rhode Island. People receiving kosher prepared meals are typically “those who are unable to obtain or prepare food for themselves due to age, illness, frailty, or disability.”

At first, I was used as a substitute for drivers who were unable to deliver on a given day, due to illness or being on vacation. Often, I would be given four or five destinations in different parts of Rhode Island, from North Providence and Providence, or Warwick and East Greenwich and Cranston. I was seeing and finding houses and apartment buildings that I had never seen before. I was negotiating strange door entry codes in order to access the clients’ apartments.

There were neighborhoods from all socio-economic levels of the communities that I had never encountered. It was very eye-opening for someone who had not ventured beyond home, hospitals, and office for decades (except for vacations). The traffic during the day (typically delivering between 10:30 AM-12:30 PM) was extraordinary! I had rarely been on the roads during those hours and could not imagine where everyone was going while I remained in my office seeing patients all day.

Eventually, I was given a steady route, delivering to the same few people on Wednesdays, and more recently also on Fridays. Over the four years the route has been the same, but the recipients have changed, due to death or moving to assisted living facilities, or simply no longer requiring or qualifying for the service.

I would like to share some of the more interesting interactions I have experienced with my clients over the years. One gentleman would complain, when I reached his place, that I was late, and I explained about traffic, and delays from receiving food from the caterer. I mentioned this to the coordinators of Meals on Wheels, and they told me that he complained this way to every driver. After a few deliveries, I said, “Goodbye, be in good health, and peaceful Sabbath” (in Yiddish) to him, and he smiled for the first time. The next time I saw him, he invited me into his hallway and asked me about myself, and we shared generalities about our families, and shared a few Yiddish phrases before departing. He seemed to look forward to my visits after that. About six months later I saw his obituary in the newspaper.

Another client always had me come into her house, where she was sitting at the kitchen table. Once she learned that I was a physician, she shared with me details of her extensive nursing career, and we had wonderful discussions about current and past medical issues. I asked her about artwork on her wall, which led to talk of the artist and examples of his works in her living room. The artist was a Little Compton resident, former Secretary of the Navy in the 1970s, Ambassador to the European Union, artist, and music composer. The coincidence that she was telling me this about J. William Middendorf was that I was at the right place at the right time. One of the musical groups that I perform with was playing a March that he had composed, and since my client was frequently in contact with him, I was able to let him know that his music was being performed. He was 100 years old at the time, and I learned that he died a few months later at 101. The woman at the kitchen table recently moved to an assisted living facility; she is 99.

A younger man, but disabled, was willingly conversant from our very first meeting. Eventually, our conversations led to sports, and he told me about his time watching a PawSox baseball game, not just ANY game, but THE game that lasted 32 innings in April 1981, which was then finished in the 33rd inning in June 1981. He proudly described how he was one of fewer than 20 fans who remained there until the game was suspended at 4 AM. He then lent me a famous book written about that game, in which his name appears twice. He also showed me several contemporary newspaper articles in which he was interviewed.

Sharing books with me was not unique to this gentleman. Another client always spoke with me for a few minutes. Recently I mentioned that Judge Frank Caprio (of “Caught in Providence” TV fame) was asking for prayers due to his terminal pancreatic cancer status. She responded that she had just finished reading his book “Compassion in the Court,” and would I like to borrow it? I of course accepted the offer and read it; it was full of valuable advice about how to be kind and compassionate to your fellow man.

In another instance, chatting with a female client about mutual life circumstances led her to ask me if I would like to meet her older sister and get to know her socially. I politely declined her offer. Finally, another older man would come to the door of his house aided by his walker, accept the food package and hand me a garbage bag that he requested that I throw into his outdoor bin. There was no other talk with him until months later, when I opened the door, he invited me in while he was sitting on his couch. Then we had very friendly conversations about families, children, grandchildren, professions, and spare time interests. He casually mentioned that his birthday was approaching in 2 weeks. I brought him a birthday card for his 102nd birthday a few months ago. I still see him every week.

In spite of the traffic and occasional difficulties with reaching the clients through their faulty doorbell systems, I look forward to my encounters with the people who appreciate the food delivery and a few friendly words every week. For this volunteer, the sense of purpose and helping has been priceless in my retirement years.

As a final acknowledgement of appreciation, I would like to thank…my GPS guidance system, without which I never could have found my clients and delivered their food and conversation!

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Seniors in our community need your help! Kosher Meals on Wheels allows the frail to stay in the comfort of their homes as long as possible. Please contribute your time and help our homebound seniors in need. Become a Meals on Wheels volunteer. Help us succeed in this vital community service. If you have a car and one hour to spare once a week, even once a month, please contact us! Call Neal at the Temple Sinai Kosher Meals on Wheels at 401-421-4111, ext. 107, or send an email to [email protected].

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